My attending figure-skates an instrument through the feathery fascia of the anterior neck. Smooth surgical steel slides easily through wisps of transparent tissue the color of soap bubbles, like blades on ice. He finds purchase and with almost imperceptible movement opens the instrument; it is a wordless command for...
Note: certain details have been omitted to protect patient identity. Try using your imagination?
I made my way through the dimly-lit corridor and, followed closely by , I entered the patient’s room. Dr. greeted us both and motioned silently to . On the bed in front of me lay...
In praise of connections
I love Connections. Four words times four, meanings torn asunder, waiting for an enterprising mind to bake them into a semantic layer cake. The game’s boards are written by Wyna Liu, a seasoned New York Times crossword editor and lattice-inspired sculptural artist. Inspired by the “playfulness...
The moment I stood in the anatomy lab holding a human heart in my hands, I was captivated. Its weight, both physically and symbolically, drew me into the beauty of anatomy. I was at a summer premedical program for high school students at my local medical school, and this...
“It’s better to be lucky than good.”
When I asked my mom about the incident that left me bloody and scarred when I was one year old, she chose to conclude her story with these words. I don’t blame her. When a three-by-four-foot solid glass pane whacks you in the...
On Wednesday, February 15, I received “the most unlikely call of my life.” I was enjoying a morning stroll with my girlfriend, in the Capitol Hill area of Washington, DC (post-Maggie Rogers concert), when I received a call from an unknown 215 area-code number.
My mind raced through the different...
Grant Wahl went above and beyond the requirements of a sports journalist–leaving behind a legacy of advocacy and kindness. We all would be better off if this generation of physicians-in-training did the same.
The arrival of Sports Illustrated each week was its own mini holiday in the Nisbet household. The...
CONTENT WARNING: This piece contains descriptions of police violence, torture, racism.
How much air does it take to talk?How much air does it take to breathe?How much air does it take to live?
Kimberly Bain, a historian and social theorist of race, environmental and medical racism, and the Anthropocene writes:
I can’t...
"There were a lot of poor prognostic features from the start: unknown down time, no initial bystander CPR, initial rhythm was a PEA, 10 rounds of epi in the field."
I stood there during the debrief from the code, feet away from a warm, lifeless body, reckoning with the first...
In January of last year, the coagulation cascade was a source of trepidation. It was tedious to memorize the factors and co-factors, the intrinsic and extrinsic pathways, the PTs and PTTs. I drew the diagram countless times, my pencil connecting Roman numerals with lead-gray arrows, soft lines coalescing into...
“Trauma Alert. Thirty-three year old female, multiple gunshot wounds, vital signs stable. ETA five minutes.”
One of these announcements over the Presby emergency department PA system sets into motion a decisive and consistent protocol that I became familiar with during my clerkship rotation on trauma. I join an assembly of...
When I am years into clinical work, whether in the sleep-deprived drudges of residency or with my training long behind me,
When I have come face to face with the ugly sides of the medical-industrial bureaucracy and our greedy, racist, broken system,
When I have lost count of patients I have...
I scanned over the email’s contents—75 year old female using she/her pronouns, prefers visits in the early afternoon, small dog residing in the home—and jotted down the contact information listed for her daughter and the members of her care team. As a hospice volunteer, I was tasked with providing...
Nostalgia is a word that hails from the Greeks: nostos, meaning “return home,” and “algos,” meaning pain. In fact, the “-algia” in nostalgia likens it to a weird medical symptom much like neuralgia and myalgia (though, I’ve never included ‘patient suffers from nostalgia’ in my one-liner). But, if nostalgia...
Jalah tried to smile. Even though it was her back that was broken and slow to repair, somehow the damage seemed to have seeped into her face. The muscles felt tense, unable to work in concert to form an expression so second nature to her. “Yes, I’ll let them...
From the moment I first walked into the Jordan Medical Education Center that blisteringly hot Monday in August, I knew that I had signed up for a lifetime of learning. Sometimes, however, I find myself wondering if medical school is all that it’s cracked up to be.
Before we reached...
(All patient names have been edited to ensure anonymity.)
“I want you to know that you’re such an accomplished person for being here, and I hope the rest of your day is nothing but happy,” Mr. Lebowski said to me.
“Thank you so much, Mr. Lebowski, I wish you the...
I grew up feeling more concerned about looking normal than looking pretty. The first makeup product I owned was this pot of cream concealer that my mom carefully applied to my cheek, covering the splotch of red with the skin I was supposed to have. Before my first day...
“How’s this one?” your friend asks.
“Looks good to me,” you respond.
You both sit down on the bench and you let out a sigh. You think to yourself, “Was I always this tired?” It’s a beautiful day.
“It’s a beautiful day,” you say aloud.
“Isn’t it?” your friend agrees.
There’s a pause as...
“How much would it be worth to a young man entering upon the practice of law, to be regarded as a white man rather than a colored one? Six-sevenths of the population are white. Nineteen-twentieths of the property of the country is owned by white people. Ninety-nine hundredths of...
“I see,” said the blind man.
-English expression
Once again, I’m cramped in a narrow armchair in front of the department head’s enormous desk, trying to suppress shivers. Why is it so much colder in here than in the rest of the hospital? It is 4 p.m. on post-call Monday. I’m...
Devil’s Pocket, South Street Bridge, side entrance, freight elevator, JMEC.
I can trace the path I walk to and from medical school every day using the tip of my finger. It forms the shape of a staple, tilted 45 degrees to align with the blue stripe on my monitor that...
“Good morning, my future doctors!” the crossing guard’s joyful daily greeting echoed across the intersection, her customary grin lighting up her face. “Have a wonderful day!”
The crossing guard at 20th and Catherine began greeting us this way back in October. Without question, this is now my favorite part of...
On the corner of 38th and Chestnut stands a couple of affordable neighborhood restaurants that will shutter by the summer of 2022. In their place will rise a 13-story privately developed lab building, the latest of a trend in recent years to turn Philadelphia into the next hub for...
What follows are excerpts taken from the 12th edition of Science and Postmodern Medicine, which is a popular textbook among introductory history of medicine courses.
Chapter 64: The Empathy System
The first discovery was made in 2042 when neuroscientist Nahima Khan discovered the location of a network of mirror neurons deep...
August 2018 – Arrival
My mother hugs me
Goodbye
In a city where
No one knows
The color of our eyes,
And I learn in an instant
The difference between
A house
And a home.
They use my full name here
Elizabeth
It swallows me like an
Oversized garment, and
I wonder who this person is
Besides lonely.
“May I sit with you?”
A woman with...
You died today.
You died today,And I never saw your eyes.
You died today.Heart, stopped.I could feel it, under my hands, as I pressed down, over and over again.Just one of the volunteers in the line,Keeping the blood pumping,Until we could rule out any hope of resuscitation,And let your body pass,...
As a new fellow, I met a young man during his initial presentation with Burkitt lymphoma. He was a fun-loving teenager who enjoyed computer gaming, lived for music and rapping, and was starting college. His mother had died of cancer a few years before; his dad was struggling to...
It was the summer after freshman year. The air, sticky-sweet and salted with possibility, reminded me of a future yet to come. That July evening, my friend and I found ourselves crowded into an indoor batting cage, which served as a temporary concert space, illuminated by a few string...
I didn’t expect you to pick up the phone right away. “I’m scared,” you say. “I’m in pain.” When I ask how you plan to get to your appointment with the surgeon in five days, you reply with a determination that roots into my mind. “I’ll be there. Even...
153. 221. 223. These are the numbers that Bryon MacWilliams recites to me, as instinctively as some people might recall important dates or phone numbers. Except these numbers represent cross-sections at different points in his life, some of the highs and lows in his long journey with his weight.